Shit. Screwed up the note.

Try the other pattern.

Another sour note. SHIT.

I’m not going to pull it off. That’s it. I’ve had enough of this…

(insert sound of record player screeching to a halt)

It was zero hour Jazz band during my senior year in high school. It was 7:10 am. If you’re not familiar with jazz, it’s meant to be played after 9 pm. Jazz is uniquely performance-based in value v-Memes — once you’ve mastered the scales, rhythm, and your instrument, you’re suppose to improvise. Seriously. You have the freedom to solo … » More …

I said a friendly “hello!” He shot me a look. I saw the sparkle in his eyes. I tried again, “hello?” No reply as he marched on. I turned to my wife and said he must not speak English. Then I heard him say, “look, there are the garnets!”

He was on a mission. Now was not the time for chit chat. He had work to do.

We’d spent 2 hours in 90+°F heat at the nearby National Forest garnet pit. I was with my 4 year old who, by some stroke of luck, says he’s a scientist and loves crystals. … » More …

It was around eight in the evening. She came to my dorm room in a panic. She was scared. She had no idea what most of the material on our chemistry exam at eight the next morning was about. Fear not. I had it together. We got to work… and boy did we. When we got the exams back the next week, she got an A, and I got a C.

I wish I could say that was the only time I was bested by one of my proteges. After something happens often enough, you realize you may have a natural gift — I took … » More …

I immediately felt the chill on my chest. My bare feet felt the damp concrete. The door shut behind me.

Make it quick. I started towards the door at the other end of the walk.

That’s when I heard the long whistle.

I froze.

“Looking good Jake!!”

Busted.

For some reason that evening, Chelsea needed me to empty the garbage. I was ready for bed and all I had on were my shorts. I’m a nice guy. Our best friends, who rented a house kitty-corner from us, indeed, were taking an evening walk … » More …

(Deep breath. Exhale. I’ve got this. It’s a solid talk. They cheered in the practice last night.)

“Please welcome, Dr. Jacob Leachman!” (applause)

(Wow the lights are a LOT brighter. My knees feel like springboards. Opening lines…)

(Ok, advance the slide. Didn’t advance. Advance the slide again. It’s not working. Point the advancer directly at the control table. Ok, barely.)

(Damn. Everything worked during practice. It’s not last night, but it’ll work.)

(Now play the video… long pause. F***! The video crashed the computer. Nope, it’s playing, just f***ed up.)

(Ok, … » More …

The last question was asked for the first time, half in jest, on May 21, 2061, at a time
when humanity first stepped into the light…

(man asks) “How can the net amount of entropy of the
universe be massively decreased?”…

(computer responds) “INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER”

–“The Last Question” 1956, A short story by Isaac Asimov

I keep waiting for an engineer at Amazon to program Alexa with that response.

Isaac Asimov was a professor of biochemistry at Boston University. Many consider him the greatest science fiction writer of all time. He … » More …

The car took a turn up a windy road into the mountains. From the back seat I got that sinking feeling in my stomach knowing I was likely going to be sick. My boss, who happened to be very conservative, was in the driver seat with his wife in the passenger seat next to him. Then the question came, “So Jake, what are your feelings about women in power and administration?” — Definitely gonna be sick.

(Time out)

I grew up with a stubborn, very blue-Democrat mother in stubborn, very red-Republican Idaho. My father, much like his, built his relationships on trust and therefore never … » More …

She approached with one of her friends and, I don’t really know why, I got that fun feeling of excitement and anticipation where the hairs all over your body seam to stand up a little. How she said “I need to talk to you about something,” said it all. I was so excited to know she was going to ask me out on a date. Sometimes you just know. Two years later we married.

You can imagine that relationships don’t exactly come natural to an intensely philosophical engineer. There was a streak in high school … » More …

The student walked down the hallway led by a scientist in a lab coat. A room was opened and they were sat in front of a microphone and a button. “The instructions are simple” said the study administrator. “You are to teach a person in another room simple facts to remember. If they get one wrong, you are to press this button. Each time you press the button the amount of electricity they are shocked with increases; eventually you can reach up to 450 volts.” Then the study administrator left and the student was left in the role of the teacher, to shock the person … » More …

I remember exactly where I was standing when I got the call.

My wife had gone into the hospital for a checkup on our first pregnancy.

As soon as I heard her voice I knew something was wrong.

She said I needed to get to the hospital right away.

I spun around to run to the hospital which was over a mile away and remembered how far away it was.

I spun around again to run home to my truck, which was a half mile away.

For what felt like an … » More …