Staring off into the darkness of my bedroom at midnight, all I can here is the “thump, thump, thump” of the party next door.

Rather than stir me to call the cops though, for some reason this one is taking me back…

I was a freshman in college. The senior quarterback on the football team was eating alone in the lunchroom.

I dropped my tray in front of him and asked him what the #1 piece of wisdom he had for a new freshman to the team.

“Do you party?” he asked.

“Not … » More …

It was late January of my first Wisconsin winter. I had started my Ph.D. studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison about half a year ago. I had just failed the qualifying exam — a tortuous two day event with a cumulative 6 hours of written exams covering a wide range of topics to determine qualification to receive a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering. I had been told that I should seriously consider a job in industry. My dreams of combining what came natural to me in teaching with the fun of research had shattered.

I don’t know why, but when I was walking by the mail … » More …

Ok, get ready for the haymaker right swing.

Jab. Jab. Jab. Here it comes!

Duck. Come back with a quick right.

What just happened?

Holy shit. I knocked him down!

OH SHIT! I KNOCKED HIM DOWN!!!

It was my freshman year of college. To ‘toughen up’ the offensive lineman on the football team, we had mandatory boxing matches in one of the racquetball courts. We had head gear. A coach facilitated. All of the defensive lineman loved to watch. Somehow I, the underweight freshman, got paired to box with a Senior from Southern … » More …

I heard a loud BANG!

The lights flickered.

I heard a scream. “OH MY GOD NO!!!! JAKE HELP!”

I ran upstairs into the kitchen and immediately smelled smoke.

I looked around. My mom was holding my sister down in a chair.

On the other side of the kitchen a black circle surrounded an outlet with a burnt fork lying in front of it.

My sister, two years younger than me and in the 7th grade, had just tried to hurt herself, badly.

Somehow, despite my social issues, I was always the … » More …

Shit. Screwed up the note.

Try the other pattern.

Another sour note. SHIT.

I’m not going to pull it off. That’s it. I’ve had enough of this…

(insert sound of record player screeching to a halt)

It was zero hour Jazz band during my senior year in high school. It was 7:10 am. If you’re not familiar with jazz, it’s meant to be played after 9 pm. Jazz is uniquely performance-based in value v-Memes — once you’ve mastered the scales, rhythm, and your instrument, you’re suppose to improvise. Seriously. You have the freedom to solo … » More …

I said a friendly “hello!” He shot me a look. I saw the sparkle in his eyes. I tried again, “hello?” No reply as he marched on. I turned to my wife and said he must not speak English. Then I heard him say, “look, there are the garnets!”

He was on a mission. Now was not the time for chit chat. He had work to do.

We’d spent 2 hours in 90+°F heat at the nearby National Forest garnet pit. I was with my 4 year old who, by some stroke of luck, says he’s a scientist and loves crystals. … » More …

It was around eight in the evening. She came to my dorm room in a panic. She was scared. She had no idea what most of the material on our chemistry exam at eight the next morning was about. Fear not. I had it together. We got to work… and boy did we. When we got the exams back the next week, she got an A, and I got a C.

I wish I could say that was the only time I was bested by one of my proteges. After something happens often enough, you realize you may have a natural gift — I took … » More …

I immediately felt the chill on my chest. My bare feet felt the damp concrete. The door shut behind me.

Make it quick. I started towards the door at the other end of the walk.

That’s when I heard the long whistle.

I froze.

“Looking good Jake!!”

Busted.

For some reason that evening, Chelsea needed me to empty the garbage. I was ready for bed and all I had on were my shorts. I’m a nice guy. Our best friends, who rented a house kitty-corner from us, indeed, were taking an evening walk … » More …

(Deep breath. Exhale. I’ve got this. It’s a solid talk. They cheered in the practice last night.)

“Please welcome, Dr. Jacob Leachman!” (applause)

(Wow the lights are a LOT brighter. My knees feel like springboards. Opening lines…)

(Ok, advance the slide. Didn’t advance. Advance the slide again. It’s not working. Point the advancer directly at the control table. Ok, barely.)

(Damn. Everything worked during practice. It’s not last night, but it’ll work.)

(Now play the video… long pause. F***! The video crashed the computer. Nope, it’s playing, just f***ed up.)

(Ok, … » More …

The last question was asked for the first time, half in jest, on May 21, 2061, at a time
when humanity first stepped into the light…

(man asks) “How can the net amount of entropy of the
universe be massively decreased?”…

(computer responds) “INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER”

–“The Last Question” 1956, A short story by Isaac Asimov

I keep waiting for an engineer at Amazon to program Alexa with that response.

Isaac Asimov was a professor of biochemistry at Boston University. Many consider him the greatest science fiction writer of all time. He … » More …